He Said, "You're Not Yet The Kind of Man Your Wife Wants To Ride." - Ouch!

Warning: Today's post will most likely poke you in the eye and trust me, that's a good thing.

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Hey brother,

Are you frustrated that your wife doesn’t want your attention, your affection, and your sex?

Are you confused?

Are you hurt?

Are you resentful?

Do you secretly believe something is wrong with her, like "she's just not sexual" or "she's not interested in sex" or "if she would just ... then everything would be okay"?

Well, today I’m sharing an inspiring story with you that’s sure to resonate deeply. I want to share some profound teachings from my personal mentor and dear friend, Steve Horsmon from GoodGuys2GreatMen. Steve's wisdom and insights have been transformative for countless men, including myself, and I think the story he shares in this video will really hit home.

Steve’s story beautifully illustrates the concept of becoming the man you’re meant to be. It’s a tale about a man, a horse, and the journey towards understanding and confidence.
Years ago, Steve ran a bed and breakfast with a Horse Hotel and hosted training clinics for horse enthusiasts. During one of these clinics, a man showed up for the third time with the same problem: he couldn't get his horse to lope.

For those not familiar with horse terminology, 'lope' is a Western term for canter, the gait following a trot. The man was convinced his horse was broken, that something was inherently wrong with her. He’d tried everything – kicking, kissing, feeding – but nothing worked.

Enter the professional trainer. After observing the man’s struggles, the trainer asked to ride the horse. To the man's amazement, the trainer easily got the horse to walk, trot, and lope without any issues. Perplexed and frustrated, the man asked what the trainer did differently.

The trainer's response was simple yet profound: “You’re not yet the kind of rider that a horse will lope for.”

This statement might sting a bit, at least it did for me, but it holds a powerful truth.

The trainer explained three key points:

1. Belief and Perception: The man believed the horse was broken. This belief was felt by the horse, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy where the horse couldn’t perform as expected.

2. Fear and Intimidation: The man was intimidated by the horse, unsure of how to interact with her, which the horse sensed and mirrored.

3. Confidence and Communication: The trainer knew the horse could lope. He communicated this confidence through his body language, voice, and overall demeanor, allowing the horse to respond positively.

Now, let’s draw the parallel to our lives, especially in the realm of relationships. Many men find themselves frustrated, unable to connect with their wives in a meaningful way.

He looks out the side of his eye to see if she’s looking.

He thinks to himself, “She’s not interested”, then tells her in words and body language, “I know you’re not interested but”, and then awkwardly invites her to come closer.

He makes her way of being about him.

He doesn’t believe she will be affectionate, so when she’s not, he’s right.

He isn’t yet the kind of man she wants to ride. I know because I’ve been him. Ouch!

This man says he wants to give her his gift of love, sex, affection, attention, and connection so much so that he's made her into a big-o-bitch-villain in his head for not accepting his offerings.

He begs her to accept him, value him, and love him, but he's not giving any of this to himself. If he was he wouldn't beg anyone to accept what he knows to be so very valuable and worthy of acceptance. He's still making her responsible for his happiness, his enoughness, and his sense of well-being. If she accepts his offers, he's good. If she doesn't accept his offers, he's not good.

She doesn't want the job. She's rejecting the invite because it has strings attached and that doesn't feel safe, it isn't attractive, and it's not for her, it's for him.

Again, I know because I've lived it.

Steve’s story highlights a crucial lesson: much like the horse, our partners can sense our beliefs, fears, and confidence. If we approach them thinking they’re “broken” or with fear and intimidation, we’re setting ourselves up for failure.

Instead of looking to her for acceptance, appreciation, and proof that we are worth paying attention to, you must focus on understanding who you really are, what you believe in, what you stand for, and how to communicate confidently.

It’s about transforming your inner world so you can create the life and relationships you desire.

Confidence and knowing where our value and worth come from are key. By embodying these qualities, you can build attraction and foster deeper connection with your wife.

Whether it’s with a horse or a partner, the principles remain the same.

This is something I’ve been able to accomplish in my own life and marriage and it’s something you can learn too.

If you’re ready to take that step, consider booking a one-hour “Horses Never Lie” phone call to talk about what’s going on in your marriage and how you can become the kind of man a woman wants to ride.

Take the Next Step

Personal growth isn’t about saving a relationship or achieving external goals. It’s about transforming from the inside out. If you can focus on becoming a confident, happy, and grounded man, you’ll find that the grass is green wherever you go.

Ready to transform from a good guy to a great man? Schedule a one-on-one coaching call with me, Charlie McKeever, and let’s embark on this journey together.

Looking for a community of like-minded men? Join the Happy Man Coaching Community or the GoodGuys2GreatMen Live Coaching Round Table Facebook group to connect, share, and grow with other men on the same path.

Want Something Self-Paced?
If your marriage is struggling and you’re seeking to rebuild intimacy, connection, and passion, explore the Happy Man Coaching Failing Marriage Recovery Course. This course is designed to guide you through the steps needed to revive and strengthen your relationship.

Stay strong, stay connected, and keep moving forward on your journey to grounded man.

Much love, brother,

Charlie McKeever
Your Happy Man Coach
HappyManCoaching.com

"The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself." – Wallace D. Wattles, 1903