What If She Leaves Even After You Become a Better Man?
Hey brother,
It’s Charlie McKeever here, back with another post inspired by my friend and mentor, Steve Horsmon from GoodGuys2GreatMen.
Today, I want to dive into something that Steve often hears from men when they first start working on themselves: "What if this doesn’t work?"
What if This Doesn’t Work?
Imagine this scenario: A guy, let’s call him John, reaches out to Steve and the first thing he asks is, "What if this doesn’t work? What if all the personal growth, exploration, and transformation I’m about to embark on doesn’t save my relationship? What if she leaves me anyway?"
Steve’s response is simple yet profound: John is worrying about the wrong things.
Version 1.0 vs. Version 2.0
Steve explains that there’s no such thing as saving the current version of a relationship—let’s call it Version 1.0. This version was created by the Version 1.0 of John and his partner. For a new, better version of the relationship to emerge (Version 2.0), both individuals need to evolve and upgrade themselves. Clinging to the hope of fixing Version 1.0 by simply doing the work is a flawed approach.
Internal vs. External Measures
One of the biggest mistakes John can make is looking for external validation—signs that the work he’s doing is "working." If the measure of success is solely based on saving the relationship as it currently is, then John is bound to be disappointed. The true measure of success is internal. It’s about how John feels within himself: calm, confident, grounded, and centered.
Outcome Independence
Steve emphasizes the importance of being outcome independent. This means committing to personal growth and becoming a confident, happy, stable man regardless of what happens in the relationship. If John’s sole goal is to save his marriage, then he’s missing the point. The journey of personal development is about becoming the best version of himself, independent of external circumstances.
The Value of Internal Measurements
The most crucial lesson Steve teaches is understanding the value of internal measurements. Happiness, confidence, clarity—these are all internal states. The moment John starts seeking external indicators like approval, validation, or the status of his relationship to gauge his progress, he’s setting himself up for failure. True progress is felt within. It’s about feeling calmer, more clear-headed, and centered in who he is and what he wants.
Letting Go of Control
Another key point Steve makes is the futility of trying to control the actions, thoughts, or emotions of his partner. The harder John tries to grasp onto external indicators, the worse things tend to get. Real growth comes from letting go of this need for control and focusing on his internal state.
How Do You Know It’s Working?
So, how does John know if the work is "working"? It’s not about external results. It’s about how he feels. If John starts feeling more calm, confident, and clear about his direction in life, then the work is indeed working. If he knows who he is, what he believes, why he believes it, what he wants, and how he’s going to create it, then he’s on the right path.
Take the Next Step
Personal growth isn’t about saving a relationship or achieving external goals. It’s about transforming from the inside out. If you can focus on becoming a confident, happy, and grounded man, you’ll find that the grass is green wherever you go.
Ready to transform from a good guy to a great man?
Schedule a one-on-one coaching call with me, Charlie McKeever, and let’s embark on this journey together.
Looking for a community of like-minded men?
Join the Happy Man Coaching Community or the GoodGuys2GreatMen Live Coaching Round Table Facebook group to connect, share, and grow with other men on the same path.
Want Something Self-Paced?
If your marriage is struggling and you’re seeking to rebuild intimacy, connection, and passion, explore the Happy Man Coaching Failing Marriage Recovery Course. This course is designed to guide you through the steps needed to revive and strengthen your relationship.
Stay strong, stay connected, and keep moving forward on your journey to grounded man.
Much love, brother,
Charlie McKeever
Your Happy Man Coach
HappyManCoaching.com
"The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself." – Wallace D. Wattles, 1903
