Overcome Nice Guy Need To Control
“No More Mr. Nice Guy” Story 7 of 25
Hey, brother.
Welcome back to this series on what makes a "nice guy." Today, I’m diving into some deep waters with a personal story from my childhood that shaped the way I understand manipulation and control. It's a bit wild, but bear with me.
So, picture this: I’m a kid, and my mom is in the middle of a fierce argument with my stepfather. Out of nowhere, she storms into the bathroom and locks herself in. We hear a loud bang. My stepfather and I are freaking out because, in our house, we actually had real guns.
My stepfather, panicking, breaks down the bathroom door. There she is, lying on the floor, seemingly lifeless. No blood, no visible injuries, just lying there. For a moment, it was like a scene from a movie. Then, we noticed something odd – a tiny toy gun beside her. She was pretending to be dead.
I know, it sounds ridiculous now, and it’s hard not to laugh thinking back on it. She was playing possum, trying to manipulate the situation to get a reaction, to get my stepfather to show her compassion and care. At that moment, it was all about controlling his feelings and getting a specific response.
This act, as bizarre and childish as it was, came from a place of deep insecurity and a lack of self-love. She was trying to extract from him what she couldn’t give herself: acceptance, love, and appreciation. It was a desperate attempt to feel valued and loved, but it was toxic and manipulative.
Reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover later in life was a real eye-opener. It hit me hard because I realized that, in my way, I had become a master at controlling situations to get my needs met. Nice guys often think they’re just being kind and helpful, but they’re actually trying to manipulate outcomes to feel good about themselves. That realization stung.
Reflecting on that bathroom scene from my childhood, I understood that my mom was trying to control her environment and the people in it because she didn’t feel worthy or capable of meeting her own emotional needs. She wanted love and acceptance but went about it in a way that ultimately pushed people away.
It’s crucial to learn from such experiences. We need to recognize that we can’t depend on others to make us feel whole. True self-reliance and self-love come from within. We have to provide for ourselves emotionally and not play the victim, not put ourselves in powerless positions where we’re at the mercy of others’ reactions.
If any of this resonates with you, if you have childhood memories or past events that you haven’t processed yet, let’s talk about it. Sharing our stories and insights helps us understand our beliefs and how they shape our lives. It’s about surfacing those deep-seated issues and coming up with a plan to move forward.
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The course includes private one-on-one coaching calls to help you understand the key concepts covered in the book, along with other important related concepts NOT covered in the No More Mr. Nice Guy book.
Until we talk again, be kind to yourself.
Much love, brother,
Charlie McKeever
Your Happy Man Coach
HappyManCoaching.com
"The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself." – Wallace D. Wattles, 1903
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