Overcome Nice Guy Fear of Disapproval
“No More Mr. Nice Guy” Story 5 of 25
Hey brother,
Today, I want to share a personal story from my childhood—a story about belt beatings. Yeah, it’s not a fun topic, but it’s a real one, and if you’re around my age, chances are you might relate to this in some way.
When I was a kid, getting whipped with a belt was my stepfather's go-to method for making me do what he wanted. He had this big, country and western belt with a fancy inlay and a huge buckle. Whenever he was mad at me, he'd make me lie down across the bed, and then he’d just go to town with that belt. If it wasn’t the belt, it was a switch—a stick I had to go outside and find myself. I remember the dread of searching for a stick, knowing that if I picked one too small, it would make him even angrier. And if it wasn’t the switch, it was his hand, grabbing me by the arm and paddling me.
You might think using a hand would be better since he could feel it, but with a belt or a switch, he was totally disconnected from the pain he was inflicting. He had no idea how hard he was hitting.
I’ve come to realize that these experiences played a big role in shaping who I am today—what some might call "the making of a nice guy." You see, these beatings weren’t just about the physical pain. They taught me to disown parts of myself, to live in a constant state of fear, and to always try to please others to avoid more pain. They made me believe that it wasn’t okay to just be me.
I have so many stories like this. As a four-year-old, I was put out on the porch with my suitcase, begging to be let back in the house. I got lost in a supermarket once, and instead of a comforting reunion, I was shamed over the store intercom. I’ve been told to stand with my nose in the corner as punishment. These experiences all contributed to the fractured sense of self I had growing up.
In the world of men’s work, there’s a term called "the integrated man." It’s about bringing together the parts of ourselves that we’ve disowned. For a long time, I pushed away my true desires and feelings to survive and please others. I wanted to be seen as worthy and valuable, to avoid rejection and pain.
Reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" was a turning point for me. The book talks about how nice guys think they’re the nicest people in the world, but they’re actually manipulating and controlling situations to get their needs met. When I read that, I had to face the truth about myself. I wasn’t violent or malicious, but I was definitely trying to control outcomes to feel okay.
If any of this rings true for you, if you have similar stories or feelings, I want to help. I’m offering one-hour phone calls where you can tell me your story, share what you want to be different in your life, and gain clarity on your thoughts and beliefs. I’ll listen deeply, ask clarifying questions, and share my insights and experiences. Together, we can start unraveling those self-limiting beliefs and help you come home to yourself—calm, confident, and happy.
Ready to change your life?
Then take the next logical step.
SCHEDULE A "FREEDOM FROM" COACHING CALL
Schedule a free coaching call with me to share your story and discuss what you'd like be different in your relationships and life.
START THE NICE GUY STUDY COURSE
Take my Happy Man Coaching No More Mr. Nice Guy Course
The course includes private one-on-one coaching calls to help you understand the key concepts covered in the book, along with other important related concepts NOT covered in the No More Mr. Nice Guy book.
Until we talk again, be kind to yourself.
Much love, brother,
Charlie McKeever
Your Happy Man Coach
HappyManCoaching.com
"The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself." – Wallace D. Wattles, 1903
Disclaimer: I sometimes earn commissions when you use my links to make purchases, but these products and services don't cost you more. Your purchases support my efforts to reach and help more men.
