Overcome Nice Guy Drama Triangles
“No More Mr. Nice Guy” Story 24 of 25
Hey Brother, welcome back to this making of a nice guy series!
Today, I want to dive into something that really changed my perspective and helped me step out of some old, unhelpful patterns. This is about the "drama triangle," a concept I discovered after reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy," hiring a men's coach, and being on this personal growth journey for a while. I want to share this with you because it can be a game-changer.
The drama triangle involves a few key roles that we often find ourselves playing in our interactions with others. These roles are the victim, the villain, and the hero (or savior). When we get caught up in the drama triangle, we can shift between these roles, often without even realizing it.
Let's break it down:
Victim: This is when we see ourselves as powerless and at the mercy of someone else's actions. We feel like life is happening to us, and we need someone to blame for our misfortunes.
Villain: Sometimes, we cast someone else in this role. They're the bad guy who's causing our problems. But guess what? They might see us as the villain too!
Hero/Savior: This is when we try to rescue others, thinking we can fix their problems. While it feels good to be the hero, it often backfires because we're taking responsibility for someone else's life.
When we’re stuck in these roles, we’re constantly shifting and reacting to others. For instance, you might start as the victim, feeling like someone else is making your life difficult. Then, you might try to save them, thinking you can fix their problems. But when they don’t respond the way you expect, you might end up feeling like the villain. It’s a never-ending cycle that keeps us stuck.
So, what’s the solution? We need to step out of the drama triangle and become the hero of our own story. This means recognizing that we’re not powerless or dependent on others. We have the ability to create the life we want. We can lead ourselves and become examples for others without taking responsibility for their choices.
My Personal Experience
Growing up, I often found myself in the victim role. I remember one summer when I was about 10 years old. There was this neighborhood kid, Jimmy, who always seemed to have it out for me. He would tease me, push me around, and generally make my life miserable. I felt like I was at the mercy of his actions, completely powerless to change my situation.
One day, I decided to stand up to Jimmy. I thought if I could just be tougher, I could fix everything. But my attempts to be the "hero" only made things worse. We ended up getting into a fight, and I felt even more like a victim afterwards.
Years later, as I learned about the drama triangle, I realized I had been stuck in these roles. Jimmy wasn't the villain; he was just another kid dealing with his own issues. And I didn't need to be a hero to fix the situation. What I needed was to step out of that triangle altogether.
By recognizing that I wasn’t powerless, I began to see choices I hadn’t noticed before. I started setting boundaries and focusing on my own growth. Instead of reacting to Jimmy, I focused on how I could respond differently. This shift in mindset made a huge difference. I stopped seeing myself as a victim and started becoming the hero of my own story.
Your Journey
Now, I want to invite you to look at your own life. Are there places where you feel stuck in the drama triangle? Do you see yourself as the victim, the villain, or the hero trying to save others? Recognize that you have the power to step out of these roles. You can choose to be the creator of your own life, making conscious, intentional choices about who you want to be and how you want to live.
Let go of self-limiting beliefs and challenge the stories you tell yourself. Recognize that you have the power to create the life you want, and it's okay to care for yourself and make choices that serve you. When you do this, you become happier, healthier, and more whole, which positively impacts everyone around you.
Ready to change your life?
Then take the next logical step.
SCHEDULE A "FREEDOM FROM" COACHING CALL
Schedule a free coaching call with me to share your story and discuss what you'd like be different in your relationships and life.
START THE NICE GUY STUDY COURSE
Take my Happy Man Coaching No More Mr. Nice Guy Course
The course includes private one-on-one coaching calls to help you understand the key concepts covered in the book, along with other important related concepts NOT covered in the No More Mr. Nice Guy book.
Until we talk again, be kind to yourself.
Much love, brother,
Charlie McKeever
Your Happy Man Coach
HappyManCoaching.com
"The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself." – Wallace D. Wattles, 1903
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