How a Confident Man Approaches Love, Sex, and Emotional Safety
Hey there, Happy Man Coaching community! Today, I'm excited to share some invaluable lessons from my personal mentor and friend, GoodGuys2GreatMen Men's Coach, Steve Horsmon. Steve's insights have profoundly impacted my journey, and I hope they can do the same for you. Let's dive into some key teachings from Steve, broken down into actionable lessons.
Lesson 1: Show Love Without Hovering
Question from the community:
What ways do you recommend to show love and attention without becoming a hovering hummingbird?
Steve honed in on the word "show" in the question. Often, when we think about showing love, what we really mean is we want to receive love and affection in return. The first step is to give love and attention without any hidden agenda. This means understanding and speaking your woman's love language.
In this book by the same title, Gary Chapman identifies five love languages: acts of service, receiving gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time. If your woman's love language is different from yours, like preferring acts of service or quality time over physical touch, become aware of their needs. For example, doing household chores or spending quiet, uninterrupted time together can be more meaningful than the overt displays of affection you might like.
Caution:
The goal is to make your partner feel relaxed and understood. This approach fosters genuine connection without the pressure of immediate reciprocation. Think of yourself as a patient, deliberate mountain lion rather than a hovering hummingbird.
Lesson 2: Healing Sexual Disconnect
Here's two more community questions:
How do I help heal the wound and eventually get the sex back on track?
How do you know when your wife trusts you enough for you to initiate sex again?
Steve addresses the sensitive issue of feeling sexually objectified. Many women feel that their value to their partner is tied solely to sex. This can create a significant emotional barrier. Steve shares an anecdote of a woman feeling like she could leave her breasts and vagina in bed and her husband wouldn't notice. This highlights the need for emotional connection and partnership beyond physical intimacy.
To heal this wound, patience and understanding are crucial. Steve suggests taking the time clock out of your chest—desire and connection can't be rushed. The recipe for rekindling desire includes time, distance, adventure, mystery, polarity, and patience. Realize that it's not about achieving a set timeline but creating a nurturing environment where desire can naturally reemerge.
When it comes to initiating sex, it's about confidence and respect. Initiate from a place of calmness, kindness, and playfulness, without being attached to the outcome. Accepting a "no" graciously is one of the sexiest things you can do. It builds trust and shows maturity. Your partner needs to feel emotionally safe and appreciated to reciprocate sexual advances.
Lesson 3: Communication and Emotional Safety
Steve emphasizes the importance of emotional safety in all interactions. Whether it's showing love or addressing sexual intimacy, creating a safe space for your partner is paramount. This means listening without judgment, offering support without criticism, and showing consistent appreciation.
If your partner hasn't taken the love language test, consider doing it together. However, many women prefer their partners to intuitively understand their needs. Pay attention to their responses and adapt accordingly. It's about continuous learning and adapting to each other's evolving needs and preferences.
Final Thoughts
Steve Horsmon's teachings revolve around understanding, patience, and genuine connection. Whether it's showing love without hovering, healing sexual disconnect, or fostering emotional safety, the key is to approach every interaction with sincerity and a willingness to grow.
Take the next step.
SCHEDULE A "FREEDOM FROM" COACHING CALL
Schedule a free coaching call with me to share your story and discuss what you'd like be different in your relationships and life.
RECOMMENED READING
I highly recommend reading the book
📚 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Dr. Robert Glover
RECOMMENDED NICE GUY STUDY COURSE
📚 Take my Happy Man Coaching No More Mr. Nice Guy Course
The course includes private one-on-one coaching calls to help you understand the key concepts covered in the book, along with other important related concepts NOT covered in the No More Mr. Nice Guy book.
Until we talk again, be kind to yourself.
Much love, brother,
Charlie McKeever
Your Happy Man Coach
HappyManCoaching.com
"The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself." – Wallace D. Wattles, 1903
Disclaimer: I sometimes earn commissions when you use my links to make purchases, but these products and services don't cost you more. Your purchases support my efforts to reach and help more men.
