Hey, brother. Thanks for being here. Today I want to talk to you about the importance of doing the things you want to do for no one else but you.
This is a hot topic in the Happy Man Community.
Most men report that they work all the time, don’t have hobbies, and don’t have many, if any, male friends. Most men don’t have a social life outside of co-workers, kids, and a spouse. Even the mention of taking time to do something for themselves makes them uneasy.
Guys say things like:
- “I feel guilty for taking time away.”
- “I can’t justify that.”
- “If I’m doing something, it needs to be earning income for the family.”
Some of that’s true. Most of us do need to work. We should take care of our family. That’s the type of men we are. We provide, we protect, and we care for those we love. But we also need to do things for ourselves that have nothing to do with providing or protecting or making other people happy. Not taking time to provide for our own happiness and wellbeing is actually hurting our relationships.
We have to fill our own bucket first, so we have something to give to those we love.
These days it is very common for men to ask their wife to be their best friend, to be their emotional counselor, and to help them solve life’s problems.
Your wife is part of your life, but she shouldn’t be your whole world.
When we ask our wife to be the sole source of our happiness and well being, we put unwanted stress on her. It’s unfair, unrealistic, and becomes a pressure she just can’t live up too.
In many cases, the wife becomes overwhelmed, resentful, and looses respect for her husband, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can meet your own needs and still be there for your family.
We can all relate to having those “bucket list” things we have always wanted to do, those things that maybe as a child you thought, “it would be cool if I could learn how to do that”. For me that is learning to roller skate, learning the guitar, and learning to take professional level photos.
Over the years, I’ve told myself a bunch of stories like:
- “The courses are too expensive“
- “That will take too much time“
- “I’ll never learn to be as good as that“
Again, some of those statements are true. Most courses do have costs associated with them, and yes, it does take time to learn something, and no, I’m never going to be a professional NBA basketball player. I have come to terms with that. I can’t be all things. But I can be some version of things. I can dribble a ball and play a few games with the guys and have a good time and enjoy myself. It’s not about being perfect. It’s not about making other people happy.
It’s not about doing the things that we think that other people think we should do.
These days I am enrolled in an online photography masterclass to up my photography game. I bought a pair of rollerblades and got myself a guitar. I did all those things for me. Not to earn money. Not to make anyone else happy. I just did those things for me, to make me happy, to help me reconnect with the joy that I was born with, that we were all born with.
Learning to roller skate has been the hardest of the three activities. As a young boy, pretty girls would invite me to the local roller rink, but I was too scared to accept their invites because I might fall down and look silly. Those moments have haunted me all my life. So recently, I bought some rollerblades, got myself some elbow and knee pads, and I am now skating on a weekly basis for my own enjoyment.
I also have a guitar. I am starting out slow. I’m learning different chords, learning to tune the guitar, and how to strum a few notes here and there. I’m just walking it in. Right now I’m learning one song that I like. I’ll practice that one song until I’ve mastered it. Then I will learn another song. I’m not trying to be a professional classically trained musician. I just want to be able to pluck out a few tunes that I like to play, for me.
It’s that simple. Your activities will be different because they are what YOU want to do. But you understand. You are smart.
You may want to travel abroad, swim with dolphins, or just sleep in the backyard in a hammock. It doesn’t matter because it’s your life and you get to live it any way you want.
You are not being selfish and you aren’t hurting your family by setting boundaries and taking time to recharge your batteries.
In fact, you are preventing burnout and avoiding resentment and not being an angry Mr. Nice Guy. Instead you will be more calm, confident, and pleased with the man you are being, which in turn makes you more fun to be around.
So, what is it that YOU want to do?
What is it that YOU have always wanted to do? What are YOU interested in that YOU could do for YOU, that has nothing to do with making money, that has nothing to do with providing for your family, that just has to do with lifting your spirit. That just has to do with filling your bucket and making you happy. What is that?
Send me a message. Let me know what that is. I’m curious to know what you are interested in and what you think is holding you back.
Thanks for being here. The fact that you have read this far tells me you are interested in making a change. I hope you consider taking on an activity for yourself. It will change your life and it will improve your relationship with your wife, your kids, your friends, your co-workers and clients, and even with strangers on the street. Let me know if you want help getting started.
Much love brother,
Happy Man Coach