During a recent men’s group call, I was asked to share the concepts that have helped me go from being a man who was anxious, fearful, frustrated, hyper nice guy, needy, sought outside validation, used sex as a marital benchmark for success, was burnt out professionally, had no friends, no hobbies, and who worked all the time, to a man who has friends all over the world, loves photography, throws axes in two leagues, enjoys hiking, spends time with his kids, has fulfilling sex with his wife, works only when it’s required and takes plenty of time for himself, and no longer seeks external validation.
The journey has been full of coaching calls, reading books, watching videos, and having conversations with high value men. I have learned a lot along the way and it has transformed my relationship with my wife, my children, extended family, clients, friends, and even strangers on the street. My thinking was stinking and it was getting in the way of me being a happy man.
Much of what I have learned is not something we are taught in school. The concepts are not even something most of us learn from our parents because they didn’t learn it from their parents and so on. But that said, they are important concepts and most of them have been around for thousands of years in one form or another. You don’t know what you don’t know.
As I have learned new concepts I want to integrate into my thinking, I have added them to an ongoing list of reminders that I call, my “morning meditations”. Over time, I have compiled a collection of these meditations that I review every day. These meditations are usually concepts I feel I wasn’t awake to before, so I want to make sure that I own them and make them a part of my default thinking.
Each morning I wake up before everyone else, make a cup of coffee, and read through them. After reading each meditation, I sit with it, feel it, visualize it. I only move on to the next one when I feel connected to the idea. The goal is to internalize these concepts and make them a mental tool in my everyday life. I do not rush through the list or make it a meaningless morning “to do”.
I am rewiring my brain by upgrading it with new thoughts. I add new concepts to the list as they resonate with me. Sometimes I remove meditations that I think I have “mastered” or no longer need to review daily.
So here’s my list as it is today.
Keep in mind, this is my list according to my own men’s work and experiences. Your list may be very different. I encourage you to make your own list. Feel free to borrow from mine, and add your own meditations that will begin to change your thinking and your life.
The list is not in any particular order. You can organize your list any way you want. They are yours. Make them work for you.
My Morning Mediations
- Live in the NOW. Stay present as much as possible. Only visit the past and future when necessary.
- It’s okay to feel fear. My brain will generate fearful thoughts to protect me AND I CHOOSE to feel the fear and do it anyway. I am NOT my thoughts. I AM separate from my thoughts.
- My brain generates thoughts on its own and I do NOT need to interact with them. I let them dissipate.
- Breathe. Relax. Be curious. Have fun.
- STOP: What do I want? How do I want to show up?
- confident, relaxed, joyful, loving
- centered, focused, patient, present
- empathetic, strong, on mission, abundant
- Let go of all negative energy. Don’t hold it in your body, mind, or spirit. King, Warrior, Magician, Lover.
- consciously relax your face, check each body part
- no worry, no doubt, no fear, no scarcity
- be mindful of minor annoyances ( workload, traffic, toilet paper rolls, etc. )
- LIVE YOUR LIFE the way YOU want to LIVE!
- my way NOW
- unapologetically physical
- staircase of intimacy
- curious, passionate, fearless, loving
- change will scare others, that’s okay
- The purpose of a partner is to LEARN HOW TO LOVE, not to get your needs met. Share your masculine gift.
- Give space, be relaxed, have HIGH POSITIVE REGARD
- Touch without agenda ( hugs, kisses, foot rubs )
- Love even when you don’t feel loved.
- Meet your own needs.
- How are you showing love today?
- Plan simple, fun thing’s
- Blow leaves, take care of home
- Put gas in van
- Provide safety ( emotional safety, physical safety, financial safety, etc. )
- I am the river banks that hold firm as the river flows.
- Give her the masculine gift of being able to relax into her feminine.
- being strong doesn’t always mean taking it
- You can handle it! Whatever it is. Just breathe.
- People do things FOR themselves, NOT TO YOU. You are NOT a victim. You are okay. Be curious. What is really going on?
- Lead by example – SHOW, don’t just tell
- Show them what that looks like.
- NOW is all that is real
- let go of the past, an incomplete memory – causes sadness
- stop living in the future – an imagined false reality – causes fear
- be HERE NOW
- Be TOO MUCH… Be RADIANT…
- too loud, too curious
- too helpful, too loving, too funny
- too much in all the ways you fear
- Share your hearts desires / Ask for what you want
- At the level you are at
- Advancing to the next level
- invite connection, affection, touch, sex
- ask where she is. care about her.
- THINK BIG – LIVE BIG – no small thinking / living
- Have friends over often, have parties
- Rent stuff, cater parties, have fun!
- go places, see things, explore
- JOKE, LAUGH, BE SILLY, find the humor 🤪🤓🤠
- BE FULL UP. LET IT OUT. STAND TALL. 💪
- Sex is a desire, not a need. Sex is a gift you give another person.
- Be the person she wants to give HER gift too. Own your sexual value. YOU ARE THE PRIZE 😍
- You were born okay. All feelings come from your own internal thinking. You create it. You control your thinking. You are already okay. Nothing can hurt you.
- Don’t give other people emotional whoop-ass over you. SHE does NOT want that power over you! She HATES it.
- “Ultimately, spiritual confidence is a quiet, gentle sense of peace. It fills your heart and nurtures your spirit. It allows you to travel your path knowing that you are on the right road, and trusting that wherever you are is just where you need to be.”
- There are 3 or 4 billion women in the world. Have an abundance mindset!
- Internal measure is all that matters.
- External measure is a false reality.
- You deserve to be loved.
- Make your life what YOU want!
- You are a high value male.
- We are born with value nobody can take away.
- God created us. So nobody can take away our value.
- Life doesn’t happen to us. We happen to life.
- Stop waiting
- Be opposite of the past
- If people can validate you, they can invalidate you!
- Less doing. More being!
If you want to discuss the concepts in this list or get help creating your own list, one-on-one coaching or group coaching is a great way to go further with your masculine growth and development. Both options will give you the perspective you need to become calm, confident, and pleased with who you are as a romantic partner, father, and as a man.
Don’t wait another day. Live the way you want to live, now!