Recovering Nice Guy and Men’s Coach
Hello brother. My name is Charles McKeever. I’ve been married 23 years, have two teenage children, and live in Austin, Texas. After reading No More Mr Nice Guy, I began a journey to reconnect with my masculine and eliminate “nice guy” behaviors that were negatively affecting all areas of my life.
When my wife first said, “I don’t want to be married anymore”, I was anxious, fearful, frustrated, hyper nice guy, needy, sought outside validation, used sex as a marital benchmark for success, was burnt out professionally, had no friends, no hobbies, and I worked all the time.
Today, I have friends all over the world, love photography, throw axes in two leagues, enjoy hiking, spend time with my kids, work when it’s required and take plenty of time for myself. I no longer seek anyone’s validation. If they like me, fine. If they don’t like me, fine.
My internal world is peaceful. I have slowed way down, on everything. I enjoy waking up at 6 a.m. to have coffee, read, and have time to myself.
I have a better long term view of everything. Sex is no longer a benchmark for success and when we do have sex it is satisfying and connected. I am learning to spend more time touching my wife without expectations of sex. Hugs, kisses, and dancing in the kitchen are no longer agenda driven. When I do directly invite her to be intimate, I don’t get upset if she declines. I just move on to the next thing knowing that we will come together eventually and that we are just not in the same space in that moment. This has been huge both for her and for me.
I have NUTs around how I am treated and how I treat others. I am kind to people without being a people pleaser. I only laugh at jokes I think are funny and if I’m not interested in a conversation about something, I’m up front and honest about it. I call out the moments that I’m feeling off and own the moments when I need space for myself.
I give my wife space and listen without fixing or judging. As a result she opens up to me and seeks me out when she hasn’t seen me for a while. She no longer avoids me and even invites me to go with her places. When I want to go, I do. When I don’t want to go, I tell her to have fun and I’ll catch her next time.
I now take the lead on planning things and I don’t leave every decision to her. When I want to do something I make up my mind to do it and I invite those I think would enjoy coming along. If they decline the invite, I go on my own anyway. I don’t play victim, or tell myself stories. I’m vocal about what I want and I recognize that I won’t always get what I want and that’s okay.
What I have learned and continue to learn on this journey is what I want to share with you, a man who is ready to listen and take the first steps toward being the man you want to be and to live the life you want to live.
This journey isn’t for anyone else but you. It’s not for your wife, your girlfriend, your kids, your family, your friends, your co-workers, or society as a whole. This journey is for YOU, so you can live a fully expressive life, so you can fully be the man you were born to be, the man you know you are inside.
You were born okay. You were born with joy. You were born happy and you can be happy again. You can reconnect with your masculine, have friends, have a healthy relationship with someone who wants to be with you, earn what you want to earn, and simply live in the world, calm, confident, and pleased with who you are being.
You can be the man you want to be.
If any of my story resonates with you or you would like to talk with someone about improving your confidence, connecting with your masculine, dealing with separation or divorce, feeling worthy or not enough, or other issues you are experiencing as a man, then let’s set up a time to talk. You don’t have to go through this alone. You are not required to join a men’s group or hire a men’s coach. Just be willing to take the first step by reaching out and starting a conversation with someone who understands, will listen, and who cares about you.
Much love brother,
Happy Man Coach